Five Things You Don’t Know About Me
1. My father was Miss Texas and went on to win Miss America. His talent was doing the twist, and he was wearing a beautiful pink formal gown with layers and layers of net skirting.
2. I was a stripper in high school. At my church.
3. I’ve been in secret places at Valley Ranch (the Cowboys’ training facility). Okay, maybe not secret, but where the public doesn’t go. It helps to Know People.
4. After spending the day looking for a gov’t office, being told to go to the post office, the police station, and elsewhere — my husband and I went to sleep and spent our first night in London not realizing that A) there had been a terrorist bombing at the Docklands, and B) the office we were looking for was at the Docklands, and C) if anybody had known where to send us …. Boom. And adios.
5. When I was a senior in high school, I was part of a group of girls who toilet papered a guy’s house almost every weekend. Even though he was at college and not there to appreciate it. Even though out of the (sometimes) 20 or so girls who did the toilet papering, most didn’t know him at all. Even though his parents would come out in the middle of the night and clean up the mess EVERY TIME.
Oh wait. That last one was a “because,” not an “even though.”
In a hurry — so if you want to be tagged, You’re IT!
ADDED LATER: There is another meme that asks you to list four things that are true and one that isn’t, and let people guess which ones are real and which aren’t. That is not this meme. This is five things that are true.
October 26, 2006 at 10:58 pm
First, what the heck did the guy do to deserve #5? Or do we really want to know?
Second, finally, a church service where there’s no posibility of me falling asleep.
Third, it’s a hellva thing when the vastness of London, coupled with the inefficency and indifference of English workers, actually works in your favor.
October 26, 2006 at 11:09 pm
He broke up with my friend and broke her heart.
Um, that’s it!
But it was his parents’ fault that “papering R’s house” became a weekly occurence. It was quite funny, when it came time to do it, and newbies would ask, “Who is he?” and most often got the answer, “I dunno, come on!” because it just Had To Be Done. And then there was the time that poor Kathy was pouring salt in the grass in the initials of R and his new girlfriend (Kathy who hardly knew him but had a wicked imagination) so that it would look like maybe the new girlfriend had done it. And suddenly R’s dad was OUTSIDE and we all took off running except Kathy, who was so intent upon her artwork that she didn’t notice until R’s dad stood right in front of her, and still bent over, she raised her head up, saw him, and –
Squeaked.
She dropped the salt, took off running after the rest of us squeaking, “My heart! My heart!” Turns out she had a heart condition and thought she was going to keel over right there.
She didn’t.
The next week, she used manure and put a big Q under R’s window.
What I’m saying is, this wasn’t about R. It was kind of about the fact that we could always drive by an hour later and the mess would be GONE. At 4:00 a.m., those wacky parents would have already cleaned up the yard.
But it was mostly about being a wildly senseless thing that was just fun, and each week trying to top the week before.
Now I wonder, what were those parents thinking? Why didn’t they call the cops on us? Why did the clean up the mess?
Ah, sweet mystery!
October 27, 2006 at 12:00 am
This changes everything!
October 27, 2006 at 2:31 pm
Fascinating! Now if only for a title…”Divine Salt of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood?” “Sisterhood of The Traveling T.P?”
No, seriously, good story. I take it that the reason the parents were so patient was because your friend was the first to be wronged by “R.”
October 27, 2006 at 4:17 pm
Ok, I believe it all could/did happen, but could you explain # 1, just a little?
October 30, 2006 at 1:25 am
And #2. Just the stripping part. And the church part.
October 30, 2006 at 6:49 am
1. The dads at the elementary school put on a Miss America pageant. My dad was Miss Texas and he won. A few years later the high school did the same thing, so he showed up as the reigning Miss America to give away his crown. He wore army boots under his pink gown. He was tres chic.
2. I was Miss Adelaide in Guys and Dolls!